January came with new friends and new experiences. I got my shit together and put an end to a relationship with a guy that was so needy and never gave back to me. I met some of the best friends I will ever have. Ally, if you see this I just want to thank you, you’ve been like a sister to me for so many times, and for this I am so grateful
February brought me a new relationship and a new place to hang out with friends, I also discovered my self worth. They guy I was with made me realize that I’m smart, and pretty, and that someone genuinely appreciates me. It was February 29th when I started dating Keith and regardless of what happened between then and now, I still love him, and he was the first person I actually genuinely loved. Even though I fucked it all up.
March showed me just how much my new found friends cared about me. I hadn’t even been dating Keith for a month and he and Ally organized a party for my 17th birthday and allowed me to bring a friend, Anna, home from school. It was a wonderful month, and I’m really glad I’ve found a group of people that i fit in with.
April was quiet not much to report. It was a wonderful month with little worry and stress as far as I can remember.
May, how do I start with may? Well I guess I can start with prom, Keith came up to school with some of the prettiest flowers I’d ever seen, and he made me feel like a princess. For once in my life I felt as if nothing else mattered because I had him and he had me, and the world was on hold. Then there was St. Christopher’s horse show at Quentin Riding Club. I took a pony that I never dreamed I’d do well with but we ended up getting a first and a second over fences and an eighth in the hack out of 16 kids. This was one of the first times I felt truly confident as a rider. After that there was grad, I was only a junior but I didn’t realize how many friends I had that were seniors. Well on may 26th, that became a reality to me as I was helping anna pack boxes, and hugging everyone good bye. May was difficult, but it was also a good time in my life because I learned to appreciate everything I have in my life.
June. Fucking June. I don’t like to talk about June. June was a very dark time in my life. I arrived home June first, and my mum took me right to the hospital to see my dad, laying there on his death bed. I got notice on that day that the doctors had chosen to take him off the respirator, which would mean that he would pass away shortly there after. It was June third when my dad took his last breathes. In a way it was peaceful. His entire family was there, and even some of his friends. We were all looking back on the good times we had with my dad, when my mum noticed that he was no longer breathing. It was weird though. Normally after someone dies there are tears and everything feels different, but it didn’t feel like anything changed. It just felt like a regular day. I was supposed to go to dinner with Ally for her birthday, but she cancelled her plans and invited me and a bunch of people to her house for a support group/hang out. And the next day I went on with life like normal. The viewing and the funeral was a blur and I don’t even really remember what all happened and who all was there. I know that some of my best friends showed up. These kids have been my friends since elementary school and I was so surprised to see them there to support me, so thank you Stacey and Brendan, I know we’ve grown apart but I still love and appreciate you both. Later on in the month I got my first car. Her name is Cera (like Michael Cera) and she’s a 2010 white Honda Civic. I got a new job at a barn working as a barn hand, with friends, and horses that I love. And my boss is my coach that i’ve been riding with since I was about 6 years old.
July was nothing special I went on vacation to hilton head, charleston, and raliegh. It wasn’t anything too special. just your usual family road trip.
August didn’t bring much either, until the end. School started for my brother and sister, and my mum and I flew out to california to visit colleges. I hated some of the schools that I thought I was going to love, and I loved one school I thought I was going to hate. University of Nevada, Reno. I figured that I was going to hate it, and my mum practically had to DRAG me out of bed to make it to the tour on time. We even debated blowing off the tour to go spend time lakeside in Tahoe. I’m so glad I went. I fell in love with the school, and that’s where I’m committing to for fall 2013.
September brought school, new people, and old people but nothing too exciting to report on. There was one girl though that I actually changed me. Her name was Hanna. She understood me, and I loved her. She got expelled, and now I just feel kind of lonely here at school.
October, October is when things started to go wrong. Like really wrong. It was okay until the end. Over the summer I had been hanging out with some new people, and i made some bad decisions, and I screwed my relationship. I fucked up. And I’m sorry. I lost a lot of friends, and now I have lots of damage personal, and social damage to deal with. Keith, I’m sorry. I’ve loved you, since the day I met you, I still love you and I always will.
November was a whole lot of nothing, other than taking my friend Karen home for a weekend and hanging out with this kid Eric all weekend. He doesn’t like me very much, but he re-introduced me to a kind I’ve known since kindergarten name Christian. Then I went home for Thanksgiving break, and I went out with a good friend of mine who just recently got out of rehab. He took me to an NA meeting with him, which he explained to me was kind of an honor because he’s never taken anyone else with him to a meeting, so that made me feel special.
And here we are, back to December. Early in the month, I got accepted to University of Nevada, Reno. It was funny how I found out. I actually got an email from them to check out their facebook page for incoming freshman (this is before I got my acceptance letter). So I was clueless, but excited. So I spent the entire afternoon logging into many websites trying to see if I had been accepted and it turns out that I had. And this past monday I got my official letter! Along with this I’ve started talking to a new friend. His name is Aaron and I never dreamed that I’d meet someone so similar to myself. But he lives too far from me to have a relationship with, so we’re just really goo friends, and I’m grateful to have someone in my life that understands me 100%. Everything is really good in my life, expect I’m convinced I have seasonal depression, because I have so much to be happy about, and I just feel a little blue all the time no matter what happens.
This year has literally been a roller coaster of ups and downs, but I’m glad I can feel all of these emotions. It reminds me that I’m alive every day, and that I should be thankful that I can feel. Each new experience changes me, and shapes me and make me who I am. 2012 had been my toughest year yet, and all I have to say about 2013 is, BRING IT ON!